Wasting All These Tears
by forgetyouinsiberia
Summary: Eight months post-finale. Juliette and Deacon on stage, reflecting on how they got to where they are. ONESHOT.


**A/N: **While I'm an avid Juliette/Deacon shipper, I also am into the shift that's happening with Juliette and Rayna, so expect that to pop up in my writing. As far as the oneshot… Well Cassadee Pope's new single was screaming to me to write to something. So here you have it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own/have any affiliation with Nashville, ABC, Cassadee Pope, Big Machine Records/Universal Republic, or anything of the like. I recieve no profit from writing this - only enjoyment :)

_Wasting All These Tears_

The stage was dark with only the slightest bit of light seeping in from under the curtain. Even so, Juliette could clearly hear the crowd from behind it, and the booming voices from the announcing stage as the amps kicked them out to her peers.

"The next performance comes from someone I've come to know quite well in the past few months, and she's certainly earned her way into the place of writing a song with someone so stellar."

Juliette smiled to herself at the sound of Rayna's voice. Their relationship had changed drastically in the past eight months. Granted, they had their fair share of things they didn't get along about still, but Rayna understood things about her and her life that no one else really did. More than that, when Juliette stopped so hard to be number one and just trying to be happy, she found the part of herself that had once looked up to Rayna.

She could so easily recall the conversation they'd had a few weeks earlier after arguing over Juliette allowing Maddie to hang with her at the studio after school one day. Rayna wanted her at home studying, but Teddy was out of town and had taken Daphne with him. Rayna herself had been flying back from doing an interviews all morning in New York, and Deacon was in the studio with Juliette recording. When Rayna had finally arrived, Deacon had already taken off to an AA meeting, and while Maddie was in fact studying, she was also being easily distracted watching Juliette record. In the midst of their arguing over Maddie being in the studio, Juliette had mentioned the fact that Rayna was one of the reasons she'd even bothered to get into music. While that was something that she didn't mind admitting when she was alone with herself – and that one time to her mother – it was a different story saying to Rayna herself.

As it was, she and Rayna were still figuring out their boundaries around each other when it came to Deacon and Maddie. After all, she knew that there was a part of Rayna that felt betrayed that Deacon had chosen Juliette after the accident, even though she had been the one to keep a secret from him for so long. And while it was clear that Rayna understood that it was her own doing, Juliette couldn't help feeling for her at least a little bit. It had been plainly clear in the past few months that Rayna regretted nothing more than keeping Maddie's paternity a secret.

In her heart, Juliette understood both Deacon's fallout because of it, and Rayna's choice in the first place. She'd been through hell with her mother's addictions growing up and faced with the same decision, she wasn't sure that she wouldn't do the same. Even so, she knew that if the situation was reversed, she'd be just as angry and hurt.

"Ladies and gentleman, Juliette Barnes and Deacon Clayborne!"

She refocused her attention as someone began strumming the banjo behind her while another played the cello softly. The curtain in front of them lifted, and she tapped her foot lightly against the ground, waiting for her start.

She could so easily recall when she'd first started writing it, just under a week ago. She and Deacon had been up late the night before, and when she'd woken up he was gone. There was a note on the kitchen counter, alerting her that he had gone to a meeting. She'd gotten dressed and then packed her things up for the day before heading out to the studio, texting him to meet her there.

"_Hey, why the early start?"_

_Juliette looked up from the legal pad resting on her thigh. "I woke up inspired," she said simply. _

_Deacon nodded, walking over to her. He leaned down and kissed her chastely before handing her a cup of coffee. "Got anything down yet?"_

_Juliette nodded. "Can you play this?" She asked before humming a series of notes. _

_Deacon nodded again. He knelt down and placed his coffee cup on the table in front of them before turning to his guitar case and opening it. He grabbed a pick and adjusted the capo on the strings before strumming lightly, making sure the guitar was in tune. A few seconds later, he began to strum a series of chords. _

"_Like this?" He asked. _

_Juliette nodded. Deacon began to play, and a few seconds after, she started to sing. _

"_You ain't worth another sleepless night  
And I'll do anything I gotta do  
To get you off my mind_

_Cause what you wanted,  
I couldn't give  
What you did, boy,  
I'll never forget…"_

_Deacon stopped playing soon after she stopped singing, giving her a slightly confused expression. "What's the inspiration?"_

_Juliette shrugged, brushing her fingers through her hair. "I've just been thinking about everything that we talked about last night and everything that's happened to get us here since we met. With Dante, and my mom…Rayna…"_

_Deacon nodded. "So where are you going with this song?" He asked, switching gears somewhat. _

_Juliette paused for a moment before flipping the top page over and showing Deacon lyrics she'd written down. He leaned over and read them. _

"_What do you think?" She asked as she chewed on the end of her pen cap._

"_Seems like it needs something in front of it." He replied before he began strumming the guitar again. _

Juliette looked up from the floor at Deacon, smiling at him as their eyes met. A second later, his voice boomed from the speakers in front of them, and she watched him singing.

"_I tried to find you in the bottom of a bottle  
Laying down on the bathroom floor…"_

Just as his voice drifted into the last note, she came up behind him with the second half of the verse.

"_My loneliness was rattling the windows  
You said you don't want me anymore…  
And you left me…"_

There was a brief beat before their voices joined while Deacon kicked up his guitar playing.

"_Standing on the corner crying  
Feeling like a fool for trying  
I don't even remember why  
I'm wasting all these tears on you_

_I wish I could erase our memory_  
_Cause you didn't give a damn about me_  
_Oh, finally I'm through_  
_Of wasting all these tears on you,_

_These tears on you…"_

Juliette closed her eyes for a brief moment, inhaling a deep breath as she listened to the band play behind her.

_She opened her eyes as the final beats of the song played out with the low octaves of the piano along with Deacon's voice and her own. She watched him push a button on Juliette's laptop to stop the song from starting up again before glancing up at Rayna. _

"_So?" Deacon asked as they leaned against the counter. _

_Rayna stood in silence for a few moments, staring at the counter as she continued to process the song._

"_It's definitely raw," she said after a long silence._

"_That was the intention," Juliette said. "Marshall thinks we should play it at ACMs next week."_

_Rayna's eyebrows raised. "Are they pitching it as a single?"_

_Juliette and Deacon both shrugged._

"_They haven't decided yet, but apparently they think it could be the next Whiskey Lullaby," Deacon commented. _

"_Are you sure you're ready to do something so open and vulnerable?" Rayna asked. _

_Deacon inhaled a deep breath, glancing over at Juliette before he looked back at Rayna. He knew that her one concern was how firm his sobriety was, especially with him having time with Maddie now. _

"_Yes," he said a few seconds later. His tone was firm and clear. "I'm working the program, doing the steps. This is the right thing."_

_Rayna glanced back and forth between Juliette and Deacon once more before exhaling a soft breath and nodding. "Okay then. Go ahead."_

Deacon's voice soothed any sense of nerves she had on what the crowd thought as he continued into the second verse.

"_You ain't worth another sleepless night  
And I'll do anything I gotta do  
To get you off my mind…"_

Juliette opened her eyes, unable to block out the glaring reminders of Sean and Dante as she followed him up.

"_Cause what you wanted,  
I couldn't give  
What you did boy,  
I'll never forget…"_

Deacon sang the intro to the chorus this time, before they were singing together once again.

"_Standing on the corner crying  
Feeling like a fool for trying  
I don't even remember why  
I'm wasting all these tears on you_

_I wish I could erase our memory_  
_Cause you didn't give a damn about me_  
_Oh, finally I'm through_  
_Of wasting all these tears on you."_

By the time they had finished the second chorus, Juliette had finally let herself go and moved to the music. She smiled as Deacon played the guitar solo before settling as the final chorus came. She led into it, singing softly.

"_And you left me  
Standing on the corner crying  
Feeling like a fool for trying  
I don't even remember why  
I'm wasting all these tears on you…"_

Deacon quickly followed her into the end of the chorus; their voices were loud and strong with raw emotion as they sang in harmony. There was a brief beat of instrumentation that followed before Juliette sang the first half of the last few lines, staring right at Deacon.

"_I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle…"_

Deacon stared straight back at her, singing the final line. _"Laying down on the bathroom floor…"_

As the final notes drifted into the air, the room erupted with applause and cheering, and Deacon smiled at Juliette. He reached a hand out to her, and she crossed the stage, wrapping her fingers in his as their arms moved behind her back. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. They waited a few moments longer as the last camera pulled back before swinging around someone walked onto the announcing stage.

Juliette and Deacon turned and headed towards the back of the stage after, following the rest of the band into the backstage. They made their way back to her dressing room and Deacon settled his guitar on an empty chair was Juliette tugged him over to the couch in the room before dropping down onto it.

"That was…"

"Exhilarating," Juliette finished for him.

Deacon chuckled, brushing a strand of hair out of eyes. Before either of them could do or say anything else though, the door opened and Marshall entered the room, quickly followed by Emily.

"That was amazing," Marshall exclaimed cheerfully.

Emily nodded next to him. "That was so amazing, Juliette."

"The fans are going to eat that up," Marshall added.

"I told you they were willing to change with me," Juliette commented lightly.

Marshall just nodded silently.

"Jason Aldean is throwing an after-party and a lot of people are going when this is over," Emily said a few moments later. "You two going to go?"

Juilette and Deacon exchanged a look before Juilette looked back at Emily. "No, but thanks for the offer."

_Juliette sighed as she shoved Deacon's door open. He was supposed to have met her at her place over an hour earlier, but he wasn't even answering her calls, let alone bothering to tell her he was okay. She knew that he was still struggling with what to do about everything since finding out about Maddie and the car accident, but that did little to make her feel any better. _

_She huffed as she looked around the sitting room of the house. There were clothes thrown everywhere. The coffee table was broke, and the books and other various things that had been on it were all slumped on top of each other on the floor. She shook her head, easily recalling a time when her own home had looked similar – any one of the times when her mother hadn't been sober._

_She walked over to the bedroom door and pushed it open. Deacon was lying across it diagonally with his feet dangling off the end next to the nightstand. Juliette struggled to hold in her frustration as she walked over to the bed. _

"_Deacon," she called out firmly. No reply. She kicked the bed firmly and called his name again. Still nothing. _

_Juliette groaned. She walked around the bed and leant down over him, checking to make sure he was in fact still breathing and hadn't choked on his vomit or something. Once she was sure she placed both hands on his shoulders and shook firmly, calling his name much louder. _

_Deacon finally groaned and lifted his head slightly as his eye fluttered. A moment later, he opened them and looked up at Juliette. _

"_What's going on?" He murmured. _

"_It's two o'clock," she told him._

_Deacon looked around the room more as he pushed himself into a seated position. "We were supposed to meet and write," he realized. "Juliette I'm so sorry." _

_Juliette shook her head at him. "Don't apologize to me." She turned on her heel and walked out of the room. _

_Deacon huffed, rolling his eyes. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and brought the screen up. Five missed calls from Juliette and seven text messages. Three calls from Scarlett and four texts. _

_He moved off the bed and walked out of the bedroom, back into the sitting room. "Juliette, wait." _

_She turned on her heel from where she stood at the door, hand firmly grasping the door knob. "Why, Deacon?" _

"_I'm sorry," he said, a bit more genuinely this time. _

_Juliette laughed haughtily. "You say that as if it's supposed to amount to something for me. I really don't give a shit, Deacon." _

"_What do you want me to say?" He yelled, getting angry. _

_Juliette exhaled an angry breath. "Whatever the hell you want, Deacon! But I didn't lose my mother and then turn around and decide I gave a shit about you so that you could hurt me in all the same ways!" _

"_I'm not asking you to pick up my mess!" Deacon yelled back at her._

_Juliette shook her head. "I must be a fucking sucker for mental cases because you obviously don't give a shit whether this hurts me or not. Goodbye, Deacon." _

_She opened the door, but he crossed the room, grabbing her arm to keep her from leaving. _

"_Juliette-" _

_She whipped her head back to look at him. "I'm telling you here and now, Deacon – for the last time – I'm not putting up with this. You want to live in the bottom of a bottle because you feel sorry for yourself, then go right ahead. But don't expect me to sit here and watch you waste your life away." _

"_**What **__do you want me to do, Juliette? I can't face the world the same way you do when it comes to all of this." He said. "And I can't really walk away from it either." _

_All of this – she knew he was referring to alcohol and drugs. The part of the music business that came with schmoozing and parties. _

_Juliette took a deep breath to calm herself as she looked up at him. "You've been telling me for six months that you want to live your life for you. And I'm pretty damn sure that the last time you got sober that it was because you wanted Rayna back. But if there's one thing I know, it's that sobriety is conditional when it's because of a person. So what do you want Deacon?" _

"_What?" He questioned, mildly confused. _

"_What do you want out of this life?" Juliette asked him. "Rayna? Maddie? Do you even want to keep living? Because it doesn't really seem that way at the moment." She reached a hand up to his forehead, brushing her thumb gently over the stitches he'd gotten after the car accident a week earlier. There was quite a bit of bruising on his head as well, making it extremely tender to touch. _

"_You two should've died in that accident," Juliette reminded him. "And yet here you are. Is making it through everything you have up until now so worthless to you?" _

_Deacon stared at her in silence, and Juliette wasn't entirely sure he even understood what she was saying, let alone if he knew how to answer it. She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek next to his lips before turning to leave. Deacon's hand had slackened in grip around her bicep, but as she took another step to walk out of the house, it tightened once more. She turned and looked back up at him._

"_I want Maddie," he said softly. "I want my daughter. And I want you in my life." _

_Juliette stared up at him for a long moment. "Then what're you going to do about it?" _

_Deacon's gaze dropped to the floor, and all the self-loathing and rage that he was holding in and so clearly had been feeling lately shined in his eyes as they became glassy. _

"_I gave up thirteen years of sobriety because of her, Juliette." He whispered softly. "She took all of that from me. And thirteen years with my daughter. And that's killing me inside." _

_Juliette nodded, taking a step forward so that she was in Deacon's line of sight. When he was looking at her, she reached a hand up and cupped his cheek. _

"_Put it in your rear-view mirror. It's already done, and you deserve better." _

Deacon brushed a hand down Juliette's back as they walked into her house. As soon as the night had ended, they had stuck with the plan of going back to her place.

Juliette crossed over to the kitchen and grabbed two wine glasses from a hanging rack over the island before opening the fridge and pulling out green glass bottle. She walked over to the island and placed all three glasses on the counter.

"Want some?" She asked Deacon as she twisted off the cap.

Deacon wrinkled his nose. "I prefer my apple cider warm."

"Hater," Juliette muttered under her breath as she poured herself a glass. Even so, a smirk tugged across her face as she lifted her glass to her lips and took a slow sip.

Deacon chuckled, walking over to her. He took the bottle from her hand and poured himself a glass anyway before taking a sip of it. He wrinkled his nose once more, but swallowed it anyway.

"You know you could've gone to that party tonight," he told her a moment later.

Juliette nodded, grabbing the bottle and walking around him towards the stairs. Deacon followed after her up the stairs to her bedroom.

"I do know," she said. "But I made a promise and it's one I intend to keep."

Deacon sighed, turning Juliette to face him as they entered the bedroom. He took her glass and the bottle of cider out of her hands, placing them on top of her dresser along with his own glass. He placed his hand on her hips, pulling her a step closer.

"I know you made a promise to me that you wouldn't drink," he said softly. "But I don't want to keep you from feeling like you're not living life on your terms because you don't want me to feel left out." Deacon sighed, turning Juliette to face him as they entered the bedroom. He took her glass and the bottle of cider out of her hands, placing them on top of her dresser along with his own glass. He placed his hand on her hips, pulling her a step closer.

Juliette exhaled a long sigh. She placed her hands on Deacon's chest, shaking her head.

"I made you that promise because I love you and I want things to stay good between us. That won't happen if I'm out getting trashed and you have to be the one to take care me." She paused for a moment; her gaze dropping to the floor. "And besides. I've had my brush with people questioning how much alcohol I was drinking. I don't want to give myself the option to go there. I've already seen what it does to people I love. I don't want that to happen to me."

Deacon lifted a hand to Juliette's cheek, caressing it lightly. She looked up at him a moment later, and a small smile crossed her lips. She reached a hand up to brush her fingers lightly across the scar on his forehead from the car accident. A moment later, she pushed up onto her toes and kissed him, moving her hand around to the back of his neck. Deacon's slipped to the back of her head, cradling it while his other arm wrapped around her waist. Juliette's fingers began working apart the buttons of his shirt, finally parting from his lips when she was gasping for air. She brought her other hand down to aid her fingers in unbuttoning his shirt. As she reached the last button, Deacon's hands grasped hers, stopping her.

"Juliette," he murmured softly.

She glanced up at him, slightly miffed that he'd stopped her. But there was a smile on his face, making her mildly confused. "Hmm?"

He stared at her for a few moments, his smile only widening. "I love you."

Her heart swelled and a knot formed in her throat as she stared up at him. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, and mentally kicked herself for being so affected by the words, but she couldn't help it. They'd been together for nearly six months, and that was the first time she'd ever heard him say those words.

She swallowed hard against the knot in her throat, inhaling a deep breath. "I love you too Deacon."

He continued to smile at her, reaching his hands up to wipe away the tears on her face. Juliette's fingers fell from his shirt as he pulled her into him, kissing her once more. She opened her mouth, granting his tongue access as her fingers curled into the belt loops of his jeans and she guided him to move back towards her bed with her. When her legs hit the back of it, Deacon moved his hands down to her hips and lifted her up onto it before his hands were at her face once more. She pulled him down against the mattress with her, making him kneel up onto the bed.

As he hovered over her, they parted for the briefest of moments, staring into eachother's eyes. It was a risky thing to do – exposing the both of them entirely too much to each other and laying every single card out on the table in front of the other with no chance for a poker face. But what was seen was reflected perfectly, and so they met in unison several seconds later. Juliette looped her arms around Deacon's neck again, and he turned onto his side, pulling her with him as their legs became a tangled mess. He held her tightly against him – enough that she could feel his heart racing in his chest. He held her. Cradled her. And loved her.


End file.
